Tuesday, 3 December 2013

MAD Blood Bowl: Egdenberg Undertakers Special Report #4

Welcome Blood Bowl fans, to another special report. I am Bertwold Humpernickle, and this report continues my spotlight on the progress of Egdenberg Undertakers in this current MAD Blood Bowl League season.

After a bout of gut rot delayed the Undertakers planned match against the Lions of the Three Rings High Elf team a month ago, the game was finally re-scheduled and took place last week. Seventeen thousand Egdenberg home fans 'welcomed' nine thousand Lions fans to the Wychwood stadium on a fine evening - perfect weather for Blood Bowl!

Match 4

The Egdenberg fans were in fine 'spirits' as the away team kicked off. A brutal first segment saw the Undertakers struggling to pin the High Elves down, their customary agility really showing against the predominantly slow moving Undead players, though the Egdenberg 'Rapid Reaction Team' - their three Ghouls and two Wights, led by Captain Kratorus the Black - managed to wrestle the ball from the Lions to score in the later stages of the first half. This touchdown did cost the Undertakers however, as their star scoring Ghoul Vishur, was stretchered off.

Enraged after seeing their favourite player injured by the visiting High Elves, it is suspected that an Undertakers fan decided to dispense some rough justice, as a rather chunky rock knocked out Amron, the unconscious Elf also having to be carted off the pitch to recover. The remainder of the first half saw attempts by both teams to move the ball around the pitch scuppered by an unlikely number of trips and falls by the ball carriers. It has been suggested that the match ball - provided by the Lions sponsors I suspect - was in fact cursed, and foiled the Undertakers attempts to extend their lead.
The first half of the match ended without further incident, the score standing at 1-0 to the Undertakers.

The second half commenced with a rush from the Lions, their star Catcher managing to slip through the Undertakers defence and avoid being sacked by intercepting Ghouls to score early on, levelling the board at 1-1. This magnificent play had an unfortunate side effect however, sending Wailing Winifred - the head of the Undertakers unofficial fan club - into a rage, which in turn saw fans from both sides crash through the 'safety barriers' and onto the pitch to escape her piercing screams. The resulting Pitch Invasion saw one Egdenberg Zombie and four High Elves smashed into the bloodied turf before stadium security managed to clear the field with a 'knobbly truncheon' charge. Numbers of fans seriously injured in the riot are unconfirmed but rumoured to be in the dozens.

With play finally able to re-start, the Undertakers took advantage of the holes left in the Lions line by the Pitch Invasion to 'coffin march' the ball up-field, High Elves skirting the procession and darting in to try and break through to the ball carrier, Captain Kratorus the Black, and stalling the Undertakers at every step.

Despite numerous valiant but futile attempts to break open the Undertakers cage, it was the 'cursed ball' that put paid to the Undertakers drive for a second touchdown late in the second half, as Kratorus the Black attempted to break from the cage just one short dash from the Lions End Zone, and fell on his face. The Lions didn't waste the opportunity, and scooped up the ball from under the noses of the Undertakers players, caught flat footed in their processional march formation, and the ball was passed skilfully downfield to Lions players waiting for just such a chance.

The final seconds of the match were a blur of scrambling High Elves, grasping Ghouls and blitzing Wights, as Vermis Kraal eventually managed to bring down the Elven ball carrier just yards from the Undertakers End Zone, but then failed to retrieve the ball for a last mad dash for a winning touchdown. The final whistle blew on a match with copious quantities of ball movement, few casualties on either side, but tremendous amounts of highly suspicious and comical player slippage.

Final Score: Egdenberg Undertakers 1 - 1 Lions of the Three Rings

In a surprisingly gentle match (by MAD Blood Bowl standards), the game saw only one High Elf player Badly Hurt during the match, leading to speculation that the Undertakers Mummy Blockers had somehow been drugged, or that the Lions players had smeared their armour with some kind of slippery substance before the match to make them harder to grab hold of. The speculation is fuelled by the discovery of several empty barrels of squig-based lubricant in the Lions dressing room following the match. The Undertakers star scorer, Vishur the Ghoul, suffered a leg fracture and will miss their next game, rumoured to be against an up and coming Skaven team. This has left Vishur enraged, as the League Top Scorer title slips further out of reach. He will surely be gunning for glory as soon as he is fit to return to the pitch.

And there we have another exciting spotlight report on Egdenberg Undertakers and their progress. I'll be back in a couple of weeks with a report from their match against the Skaven. Until then, this is Bertwold Humpernickle, signing off.

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