Saturday, 21 September 2013

MAD Blood Bowl: Egdenberg Undertakers Special Report #1

Welcome sports fans! I'm Bertwold Humpernickle, and this is the first of my Special Reports spotlighting the progress of the Egdenberg Undertakers as they battle their way through this inaugural M.A.D Blood Bowl season. But before we get our hands too soiled with grave dirt and embalming fluids (that stuff is the devil to get out of Cathayan Silk), how about a little history lesson for those uneducated in the ways of corpse puppetry and Blood Bowl?

The Egdenberg Undertakers are a relatively new team by Undead standards. Their creation is inextricably linked to the on-going feud between the Undertakers Head Coach, ‘Rakarth von Kampman’, and ‘Tomolandry The Undying’, Head Coach and Owner of the mighty Champions of Death.

Von Kampman was once the Champions star Assistant Coach, but after he and their highly successful first team were side-lined following the return of Ramtut III in 2468 (who then Captained the Champions to multiple Blood Bowl titles), von Kampman vowed to start up his own team, and surpass the achievements of his erstwhile mentor.

To that end, he dug up as many of the old first team players as he could, and vanished into the wilds. Lacking cash to finance his venture, he found a backer in the Vampire Count Erik Schwarznacht, who struck a bargain with von Kampman to bank roll the new team, though his motives at the time were somewhat unclear.

And so, at Egdenberg, on a night when Morrslieb waxed doomladen in the night sky, von Kampman and Schwarznacht struck their Pact, and the ex-Champions of Death stars were re-born as the Egdenberg Undertakers. Perhaps in time, the Vampire Count’s motives will manifest themselves, though surely as something dire and inimical to life…

Now, onto the Undertakers performace so far this season. At this point, the Undertakers, ably Captained by Wight Blitzer Kratorus the Black, have played three matches:

Match 1

Thirteen thousand fans travelled to see the Undertakers first match of the season, played against the fearsome Asgard's Wrath, a bearded and horn helmed team from the sprawling ice cube that is Norsca, and the howling and groaning masses outnumbered the Norscan team's home fans almost three to one, the total attendance for the match standing at nineteen thousand blood thirsty fans.

The match, ostensibly pitting two well established coaches in a head to head confrontation, turned out to be something of a non-engagement. Both teams did their fair share of pushing and shoving, with neither team able to make a serious impact on the match. The fearsome Undead front line did its thing and made the centre of the field a dangerous place to be, but the battle prowess of the Norscans kept them fighting hard throughout, and these two well matched teams did a damned good job of nullifying each other.

An early touchdown by the Undertakers' star Ghoul Runner Snaegir, put the Undead one nil up at half time, but the Wrath succeeded in punching through the Egdenberg defence early in the second half to level the score.

Despite some tense moments late on in the game, neither team was able to capitalise, and the match ended a 1-1 draw. The only point of note was the death of the Norse thrower, killed by the mighty Mummy Cheops The Great, though Skeleton Lineman Helmut Khol also suffered a smashed hip and would miss the next match while he underwent reconstructive surgery.

The following week, the Undertakers issued a press release announcing the signing of a new Ghoul Runner, Hashak, a native of the Desolation of Nagash on the shores of the Sour Sea. It is also reported in the media that Undertakers' Head Coach, Rakarth von Kampman, refused Helmut Khol's request for councilling following his brutal injury.

That's all for this report, but I, Bertwold Humpernickle, will be back with you straight after the Undertakers next match with another spotlight report, rumoured to be against the Ugly Gitz, a brutal Orc team whose match against the Elves of the Lions of the Three Rings saw the Elven team severely brutalised by the rampaging Orcs.

Until next time, thanks for reading.